The Hardest Thing
by Sparkling-Jules
Summary: What's the hardest thing to do risking your life saving people or trying to hold a relationship together?
1. It's hard to leave

Yay! First Thunderbirds fic! I must warn you, when I picture Thunderbirds I see the film in my head, although I was obsessed with the series when I was 6 I now cannot remember a lot of it. So I guess this is kinda movie-verse.

I hope this doesn't turn too Mary-Sue, it was but I started again, so hopefully Sue-ness will be at a minimum (please tell me if it gets out of hand!).

Anyways, enough rambling, on with the fic!!

PS. I don't own Thunderbirds, just borrowing!

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The shrill ringing of a mobile phone shattered the silence of the bedroom spoiling what had been, until that moment, a perfect night. A hand reached out from under the duvet and fumbled for the phone on the bedside table. Bleary eyes squinted against the harsh glow of the screen and Scott sighed as he answered the call.

"Hello?" He said sleepily, bracing himself for the inevitable reply.

"_Scott, we're needed." _It was the words he'd dreaded. _"We'll pick you up from the usual place."_

"OK." He ended the call and sat up, running a hand through his mussed bed-hair. He looked over at the sleeping form by his side. She looked so peaceful lying there still sound asleep and he decided not to disturb her.

Scott gently eased himself out of the bed and padded quietly across the room to the pile of his clothes. He hated having to leave in the middle of the night like this. He hated having to miss dates. But above all he hated having to lie, having to keep secrets from her...

_Oh Beth, how I wish I could tell you everything._

"Scott?" A groggy voice called from the bed. "Are you leaving again?"

He turned, half dressed in only his trousers, to find Beth no longer asleep, but sitting watching him with the duvet wrapped around her like a protective cocoon.

_Damn, she's so cute when she does that._

"I tried not to wake you..." He began, but she cut him off.

"And leave without saying good-bye?" She didn't have to say the word 'again', it was all too obvious from the tone of her voice that she was definitely not happy.

He sat down beside her on the bed searching for the right thing to say, searching for anything to say that would make the situation a little bit more bearable.

"I'm sorry."

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her warmly.

"I wish you didn't have to keep these secrets from me." She said with a sigh.

"So do I." He replied and kissed her softly on the lips. How many times had he asked his father? _'You know the rules Scott, you can't tell anyone. You've only known the girl six months, we can't take the risk.'_

Scott didn't want to let go. He wanted to forget the world outside and stay forever in this place, in this kiss, but he had responsibilities that could not be ignored. Reluctantly he broke contact.

"I've got to go..."

"I know, I know..."

Scott released his hold and continued dressing. He was picking up his bag to go when Beth spoke again.

"Scott..."

"Yes?"

"Stay safe."

"I will, bye."

She didn't realise how much that one comment meant to Scott. I was something she always said, something she had always said from the moment he had met her. It seemed quite ironic that every time she said those words barely an hour later Scott would be out there risking his life for others and she had absolutely no idea. It had become a good luck charm, as long as she said it, it would remain true.

He left the apartment, mentally beating himself up as he always did when he had to leave.

_How can I keep doing this to her? She doesn't deserve this, the lies, the uncertainty. What am I doing to her?! She doesn't deserve this..._

Scott took a deep breath and turned his mind to the task at hand.

_Get out of this mood Scott; you've got rescuing to do._

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Next chapter coming soon...


	2. It's hard to agree

Thank you to **andrewjameswilliams **and **Hoo-ah **for reviewing.

**Hoo-ah** - it is a song by 98 degrees, I didn't realise. I looked up the lyrics and the chorus is particularly relevent to chapter 3, I'll say no more ;-)

On with the second chapter...

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Scott took a deep breath and steeled himself for the encounter which would be on a par with poking a wasp's nest with a stick. He had been standing outside his father's office door for a full quarter of an hour, trying to gather the courage necessary to knock on it and had so far only managed to raise his hand.

"For pity's sake Scott, just come in!"

Scott almost jumped out of his skin as his father suddenly opened the door in front of him.

"You've been stood there for an age." Said Jeff as he returned to his desk and sat down. Scott paused at the threshold of the room, before entering and positioning himself in front of his father.

"What's on your mind, son?" Asked Jeff.

Scott dragged his gaze from the patch of carpet they had been studying to look his father in the eye. He barely had a chance to draw a breath before his father cut him off.

"No."

"What?! You don't even know what I'm going to say!"

"I do and the answer's no. We've been through this before, you can't tell her."

His father's voice was calm and even but it did nothing to quell the fire that had ignited in the pit of Scott's stomach.

"Damn it! She's not a risk! Why can't you see that?!"

"Why can't you see that she could be? It seems to me to be a case of rose-tinted glasses; you're blinded by your emotions Scott."

"But you've vetted her, don't tell me you haven't traced her background!"

Scott paced up and down in front of the desk bubbling with rage. At that moment he felt like he hated his father.

"You're right Scott. I have checked her out; she doesn't appear to be a threat..."

"There you go!" Scott was almost shouting. He never argued this fervently, not even when he had a disagreement with one of his siblings. His father tried to remain composed but was fast resorting to raising his voice to match Scott.

"But appearances can be deceiving."

"I know her, she's not a risk."

"How can you 'know' her? You met her six months ago, you can't possibly 'know' her completely!"

"Don't start on that again..."

"After six months can you really be sure..." Jeff paused.

"Sure of what?!" _Sure I love her?! Come on father say what you really mean. You don't want me to tell her if a year from now we're not going to be together. Is that it?!_

"Sure you want to place this kind of burden on her?"

"Burden? Burden?!" Scott exploded, releasing all his pent up aggression. "How can it be more of a burden than the secrets? The lies? The uncertainty?! She doesn't deserve that!"

"But was it her choice?"

Scott was totally knocked of balance by the question. He didn't know how to answer.

_Father's right, she didn't choose a partner who would lie to her, she chose someone she thought she could trust and rely on. I've betrayed that trust in so many ways. Not only does she not deserve the deceit, she doesn't deserve me. Wouldn't the uncertainty of whether I'd return from a rescue be worse that the uncertainty of whether I'd make our next date?_

_I've been so selfish. I wasn't thinking of her I was thinking of me._

His father's voice interrupted his thoughts; "you've got to understand Scott, International Rescue is a family secret and it must be kept within the family..."

Scott bolted from the room, not wanting his father to see the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. His pushed past one of his brothers on the way out of the house but in his haste he didn't recognise which one. He continued to run until he reached a secluded part of the beach out of sight of the house and the path along the coastline. He slumped down in the damp sand and only then did he let the tears flow. He slung a pebble out towards the orange sun that was setting behind the far off horizon in a vain attempt to rid himself of the anger he felt. It hit the surface with a resounding plop and sank like his heart. He sat until the twilight became night. All of the emotions inside him; love, hate, rage, helplessness, congealed into a leaden lump that sat heavily on his soul.

_I have to do something I should have done a long time ago..._

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Chapter 3 up very soon (maybe even later today!)


	3. It's hard to say goodbye

Thanks to my reviewers **KD Almasy**,** zeilfanaat** and **mcj**. I hope I don't disappoint.

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Scott trudged up the stairway as if he were heading for his own execution. In a way he was. What he was about to do would close one of the best chapters of his life and he wasn't looking forward to it. He walked slowly, trying to delay the inevitable, but all too soon he was stood outside a door, just as he had stood outside his father's, only this door belonged to Beth.

_This is the right thing to do…I've delayed it for too long._

Scott knocked. At once hoping both that Beth would be out but also that she would be in so he could end this misery. Soft footfalls behind the door confirmed that she was indeed at home. The catch clicked and the door was pulled open. It stuck a bit halfway but with a jerk it swung back to reveal Beth, as beautiful as ever.

"Scott! This is a surprise, I thought you were…" She stopped. The happiness in her face was replaced by a look of concern as she noticed his pained expression. "Scott, what's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Of course, come in."

She led the way into the living area of her apartment. Scott shut the door but again it stuck halfway.

_I was going to fix that for her…_

They sat down together on the sofa and Beth took Scott's hand in her own.

"I… I don't quite know how to put this."

"What?"

"I can't see you anymore."

"What?!" The disbelief was plain in her voice and confusion marred the features of her face.

"It's not fair on you, the fact I'm never around. All these secrets I've kept from you. All the times I haven't been there for you…"

"It's not the best arrangement, but I can live with it."

"Are you sure? It must be terrible for you, not knowing what I do, where I disappear to. I hate having to keep you in the dark."

"I'm sure you'll tell me when you're ready to…"

"But don't you see I'm not the one who can make that decision. I don't want you to keep waiting for me; I'm not worth it, you deserve better than me."

"I'll deserve who ever I want to deserve! If we love each other we can make this work!"

_Why does she have to make this so hard…_

Scott drew his hand away and buried his face in his palms.

"Damn it! I love you Scott. I. Love. You. Would you like me to repeat it?" Tears welled and fell from her eyes. "I love you and there's nothing you can say to change that!"

She put her hands either side of Scott's head and drew his face up so he was looking at her. "Tell me you don't love me."

"I…"

"Say it!"

"I… I can't…" Scott's eyes were also beginning to fill with salty tears.

"Then why are you doing this?"

Scott stood up, knocking the coffee table and sending flowers flying from their arrangement in the centre.

"Because I have to. It's what's best for us, for you."

"Don't I get a say in what's best for 'me'?"

"I'm sorry…" Scott's voice was barely audible as he turned his back on Beth and headed for the door.

"Wait, don't I get a goodbye kiss?"

Scott paused and Beth walked up behind him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. His stiffened at her touch and she drew her hand away. Scott turned to face her and she could tell from the look in his eyes that he was not only breaking her heart but his own too.

"Goodbye." He whispered and with that he fled the apartment.

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More to come...


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